Saturday, December 10, 2022

DOOM Retrospective

The year was 1993. It was a frigid Canadian December day, you may even say it was as cold as hell.

I was 9 years old, and a pint-size PC gaming fanatic. My first taste of computer gaming had come from the likes of edutainment titles such as Cross Country Canada and The Oregon Trail, as well as some of the Arthur titles which I had played in the classroom. That soon changed when my parents purchased out first home computer, a slightly used but not abused 486, and that opened my eyes to the bold new world of shareware. Through the portal of these magical floppies passed around by my friends I had hopped and bopped my way through the exotic alien worlds of Commander Keen, fought the Nazi scum throughout the moldering corridors of Wolfenstein 3D, and I was totally excited for whatever would come next. Luckily I would not have to wait long.

My friend Ryan called me over to his place, he had just downloaded the newest shareware, something that would "totally blow my effing head off". He bragged about how he had tied up the phone line all night just to download it (he had a 14.4 baud modem, still better than nothing), and then had played all the way through it in the early hours of that morning. He had a damn fine system, a 486 66mhz with 8mb of ram and a sound blaster 16, and a MASSIVE 17" monitor. (It was doubly as good as my own rig, a 486 33mhz with 4mb of ram, no sound card, and a measly 14" monitor.) Ryan told me to have a seat, and simply type in "doom". So that's what I did.

As I typed in the command to launch the game, and the scrolling startup text crawled up the screen, I could feel my heart pounding in anticipation of what could possibly be as amazing as Ryan was hyping it up to be. And then I heard it, the low droning of the title screen theme, and I stood in awe of the color and detail of the green-clad space marine surrounded by hideous, otherworldly foes drenched in the red of the landscape surrounding them. I didn't know it at the time, but this would be the first step on a lifelong adventure through space, hell on earth, and beyond. I chose Knee Deep in the Dead, and my difficulty, and then the screen melted away.

So there I was, in a blue-carpeted landing bay (Oh my gawd, there were floors and ceilings! And different heights too! The walls are at different angles!), the most epic synthesized metal that the Yamaha YMF262 could possibly muster pumping out of the speakers. My hands trembled as I tested the keyboard controls, pleased to find that they responded exactly like they did in Wolfenstein 3D. I took a look around the room, in awe of the colorful and detailed environment visible through the hangar windows. I then walked up to a barrel full of bubbling green goo and did the first thing that came to mind: I started shooting at it.

One messy death and respawn later I was off again, exploring the nooks and crannies of the starting room, finding my way up the stairs to the suit of fancy suit of green armor sitting on a pedestal(no undead grunts yet, I had chosen "I'm Too Young To Die" like a wuss). I then came back down the stairs, and proceeded through the first door I found (ignoring the deadly barrel this time), and came face to face with the first of the game's zombified ex-marines. After exchanging fire and dispatching him, and his compatriot around the corner, I came out into a room with a narrow walkway surrounded by glowing green sludge. It was at that point that I took a fireball to the face, and met my second untimely end.

Another respawn at the beginning of the level, I was starting to realize that anything and everything could kill me. I set out again, confident that I could win this time. I sprinted through, taking out my assailants with ease, and this time dodged the fireballs and nailed the spiny creep on the ledge. Feeling cocky and proud, and avoiding the green goo pooled at the sides of the walkway, I strode through the door into the next room and found myself face to face with another of the spiny bastards. Panicking, I fired blindly at it, setting off another explosive barrel which reduced said spiny and myself into a fine red mist. 

Yet another respawn.

With an enraged roar, and a hearty laugh from Ryan, I set off again through the gauntlet. I managed to rip and tear every demonic freak that crossed my path a fancy new asshole, and even find a pump-action shotgun behind the first spiny's platform in the process. Finding my stride at last I continued my rampage through the next six levels, through nuclear plants, refineries and command centers, until I reached the ominous sounding Phobos Anomoly. I had learned to use explosive barrels to my advantage, and so I had no problem shredding the four butt-ugly gorilla-like pink demons near the entrance. Felling confident I took the elevator upstairs, straight into the lair of the two ugliest freaks I had ever seen, the Barons of Hell.

My first encounter with the barons went as expected, with my head immediately finding a new home up my arse. The second time went slightly better, I actually lasted 10 seconds or so that time! After 20 or so attempts I finally became good enough at strafing between their fireballs while delivering a salvo of rocket fire to take them out. As their still-warm corpses hit the floor the walls started rumbling, lowering slowly to the ground to reveal a vast outdoor arena. I braced myself, expecting to be overtaken by an onslaught of new foes, but they never came. I curiously explored the area, and found a teleporter platform at the end.

As I stepped through the teleporter, everything went black. I heard my space marine being torn limb from limb by invisible attackers, grunting in pain as what was left of his health drained, finally falling to his unseen foes. Then the screen melted once again, the ending text scrolling slowly out. It told me of my marine's fate, and of the battles that lie ahead if I was so bold as to face the challenge. I would have to order the full game to continue the experience. That would cost money. My young mind reeled, trying to work out how we would pay for it. 

I came to a decision.

Eyes wide, I turned to Ryan.

"We're gonna have to shovel a HELL of a lot of snow, man!"